turn on the night light

i felt the weight  on my shoulders. my chest sinking, heavy. it made me feel breathless, and could not tell you why. the questions flooded, poured into my mind. would you run? i said the words, breathless,  and i stared, breathless into your eyes. you reminded me what it feels like to want to look at someone  and feel breathless. 

if you pulled me close as much as you push me away, maybe you would  see the light in my eyes  that brightens,  sharpens,  from your gaze.  maybe. there are no maybes for you. no perhaps grey areas don't exist in a mind that is so  black,  and white. white, not light,  for the darkness  within you pulls me in,  but not because you  want it to,  but because, i like that it does. 

 the void is dark, grim, an endless abyss  that swallows  what tries to fill  the emptiness of where your life once occupied. it spins, a vortex consuming the happiness in waves that crash around it. time doesn't heal the wound that came from your leave, it only scabs the edges of the void, to be picked and  let bleed when its ready to take me in.  there are times where i am too weak  to fight. and i let it go,  grasping me tight and pulling me down, falling heart first  into anything but a  wonderland.

 she welcomes the winds  that attempt to knock her down. swift and strong, all around her. turbulent and twisted,  tornadoes that sweep her off her feet. yet she pulls herself  down, her roots bear the will to keep her grounded.  the weakness they see is not all that she feels. her strength,  the resilience in her veins flows through her  more than blood.  when she touches down, she stands. and she goes on. step by step, she carries the weight  of the winds behind her. her past on her shoulder and  the world around her  watching, waiting to see if she falls, and for how long. her ankles tremble, she feels the weight  and senses the urge  to give in. but she stands. and she goes on.

 white winds blow, as the rain sweeps itself sideways against her cheek. she turns her back,  feeling the cold, sharp sting of the droplets on her neck. staring into the curtain of droplets,  pouring from the dreary, grey skies.  she desires to feel more, yearns to remember what it means to truly  feel.  to cut through the blanket of  numbness that consumes her.  she turns again,  to face the storm in her midst. rain hits her cheeks,  pointed icicles that  melt upon contact, enough to overwhelm with discomfort for some, yet she manages  a drenched smile.

the storm rages she says as she stares out  of the window  of her own mind.  her heart races,  the winds blow stronger,  the blood flows faster through her veins. thunder rolls,  she shudders, her hands begin to tremble.  the light is too bright, a bolt shoots through her as she collapses, down, she tried to ground herself. she sits,  it turns quiet. the storm passes by, leaving the destruction  in its wake.