turn on the night light

I pity those who choose not to feel love, to see, love.  For the beauty and  the promise within is worth the risk of  pure, absolute, vulnerability.  To build a foundation where walls are no longer needed, or wanted.  The relief of  allowing another to break down the walls you built up for yourself, to allow them in and feel the weight  remove itself from you, your mind. Your mind is clear, yet filled with images  of them, their smile. their voice,  their touch. The things that draw you  closer and closer  to their space, forming into yours. To choose a life lived  alone, isolated,  cold. I pity those who choose  not to understand.  To experience the warmth  of love is to let go and hope, know, that they will catch you  on the way down.

what I was once consumed by  in another, I am now consumed by  the thought of you. I often find myself stuck, not in a rock,  or a hard place,  but between the blankets  and sheets, wrapping themselves around us to keep us close. I immerse myself in the sounds of your breath, knowing tomorrow  I could still hear more. they deepen as we move, and soften as we lie still. I sink into your touch, all around me as you explore, never doubting the affection that comes from your hands.

 your eyes filled my soul  with comfort, excitement, terror. i saw the shape of  your wings and immediately melted   into them. they held me so perfectly, strong. your scales, each one different from the other. i noticed the ones  that were battered, scarred, dark, and i saw the ones that  shone, bright,  glistened, and mesmerized even the blindest of souls. all parts of you that  should scare me away, but i walk closer and  closer to you. magnetized by the way  you move, the way  you speak. but the fire, the fire has changed now.  the inevitability of reality that i chose to ignore, that even the brightest  of creatures could  overcome, or withstand. no, not even i can love  through this fire. the fire that once  surrounded me in warmth, began to, at last, burn me alive. beauty may fall in love with the beast, but only when the beast comes first. 

 you  remind me of him. not the way  you  look, the way  you make me feel.  wanting what i can't have.  what you won't allow me to give.  you're intoxicating,  the word i used only to describe him. consumed by his voice, as i am yours. driven to addiction,  a fiend for your  passion,  drive,  attention,  affection.  a lack of which  seems punishing to me. your words, though, punish most of all. hurt, rather, yet i yearn to hear  them leave your lips, full,  as they were on mine.  ours, ours would  never be.  a sentiment  you  both shared, yet lead me with your eyes, your words, unspoken  as i read between  the lines of your lips, your eyes,  your lies. no, you never lied. yet you  tried again, and again to pull me deeper,  darker, into the world  you perceived on your own. a world fit to hold me, close,  at arms distance away. to push and ...

i felt the weight  on my shoulders. my chest sinking, heavy. it made me feel breathless, and could not tell you why. the questions flooded, poured into my mind. would you run? i said the words, breathless,  and i stared, breathless into your eyes. you reminded me what it feels like to want to look at someone  and feel breathless. 

if you pulled me close as much as you push me away, maybe you would  see the light in my eyes  that brightens,  sharpens,  from your gaze.  maybe. there are no maybes for you. no perhaps grey areas don't exist in a mind that is so  black,  and white. white, not light,  for the darkness  within you pulls me in,  but not because you  want it to,  but because, i like that it does. 

 the void is dark, grim, an endless abyss  that swallows  what tries to fill  the emptiness of where your life once occupied. it spins, a vortex consuming the happiness in waves that crash around it. time doesn't heal the wound that came from your leave, it only scabs the edges of the void, to be picked and  let bleed when its ready to take me in.  there are times where i am too weak  to fight. and i let it go,  grasping me tight and pulling me down, falling heart first  into anything but a  wonderland.